The beginning of my blog, the idea of personal transformation (101)
- E.L Andrews
- Jul 6, 2020
- 2 min read
I thought long and hard about the proper content for this blog. I started it as a sharing platform for everyday activities that I do with my son, my love for books and love for writing. Though I struggled with the blog itself. What could I share that is not a repetition of what’s already out there, what could I share that people would actually find interesting and what could I share that is truly me?
As can be seen from my first posts, I was finding it hard but as time went on, I decided to be actually brutally honest and share what my life is current life was really about, maybe if I am truly me, you might find it interesting.
I had another ulterior motive, I heard that, at least for women, sharing is a way of healing and it’s healthy psychologically. After my son was born and because of my husband’s job I found myself incredibly isolated. I was depressed, luckily not dangerously depressed where I would put my baby and me in any actual danger, but I was fully hit by baby blues where everything and anything became a chore. I let everything go- work, house, cleaning, relationships, even personal hygiene (I am blushing as I am typing this). The only thing I managed to keep on top of was taking care of my son. He might not have all his buttons closed properly or t-shirts ironed, but he was fully breast fed till 6 months, then fed home-made organic food with a top up breastmilk till 1.5 years of age, clean, with regular outings, music in the background and stimuli everywhere.
What was left behind and ignored was me. I found myself working from home half a day and later I returned to work on a part time basis while working another job the second half a day from home. All that while looking after my son. All my hobbies, friends, that was put aside but as time went on, I realised how unhealthy it was.
By becoming a mum, I lost myself and had no longer the time or energy to explore what is important for me- career or otherwise. I switched the autopilot on, repeating the same thing over and over every day, making sure all the essentials are done, bills are paid while doing my 110% with my son.
However, it was meant to be, and the change crept on gradually. It was a rude awakening that lasted months, a little at a time. People see certain things but don’t realise their meaning until one day suddenly it all makes sense. It is really difficult to explain the long process that leads to the moment and the long process that follows, but the lightbulb switching on is a process stretching over months and yet it is what it is-a simple change of your mind set.
To wrap up things, I had one of these profound changes in my mind that manifested in a single idea- that I am not happy and want to transform and change. This is the blog of my transformation as both the mum and the woman I wish to become from now on.
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